Effective communication is key to high performance.
If you want to get a message across you can speak calmly and directly. Or you can yell. Both will get a message across. But not necessarily the message you want to convey. And not necessarily a message that adds real value.
Any kind of real leader, be they coach, mentor or manager knows the difference.
I had a coach who used to speak just above a whisper and our entire team had to lean in and listen intently to hear what he had to say. Every athlete in that room could recite the workout in detail afterwards if you asked them.
This same coach once screamed at me from across Lake Carnegie “what the fuck are you doing Margot?” It echoed across the lake and jolted me out of my warmup. As my coach drove over in the launch I was filled with shame and fear.
When he began to explain why he had yelled I was too embarrassed and enraged to pay attention. Later that day as I reflected on what happened I was able to see that he wanted me to row better. But in the moment all I felt was shame. For a long time I associated shame with that particular drill I was doing that day.
Effective communication is not about how loud you can yell. It’s about engaging with intention. You can deliver a difficult message without being an asshole. And you can inspire without being theatrical. Clear direct communication creates a safe space to learn and grow.
Yelling has the opposite effect and creates an environment of mistrust and fear. And the changes produced are short term. An athlete will do anything to prevent being yelled at again.
Raise your hand if you’re guilty of this. I am too. What I’ve learned after years of being coached at the highest levels is that the best coaches are the ones that keep their cool and deliver the message with humanity. This gives the athlete an opportunity to ingest an idea, interpret it, and then practice making a change in real time.
Too often coaches try to produce results by instilling fear and shame. I’m sure we can all name several examples of coaches who win championship after championship but their athletes are miserable. Sure it gets results, but what’s the long term effect?
When I was in college my mom told me after a particularly frustrating practice with my coach that I had to “distill the message down to its essence.” This is a valuable skill for athletes because so many coaches can’t articulate an important concept without losing their cool. But there’s also a downside. Athletes end up coaching themselves and all of the emotional labor to understand what happened is on their shoulders.
Effective communication is mutual, empathetic, and explicit. This is the optimal way to help others grow and develop and achieve.
Coaching and leading is hard work. It’s important to consider the type of message you’re sending by how you communicate. Are you meeting the athlete where they are? Are you being direct and calm? Is there meaningful change happening in real time?
Or are you playing to the lowest common denominator and eliciting results through intimidation and fear?
If it’s the latter and you want meaningful long term results, it’s time to change your approach.
