Tonight the boys were playing with their Octonaut toys in the bath. After the water had drained they called for me, panicked. Their little plastic salamander had gotten wedged in the drain and they couldn’t get it out. I immediately reassured them but both boys began to cry. The more I tried to soothe the louder they cried.
I assured them I could get it out and that they should trust me. But the crying and worrying continued. I went downstairs to get a pair of pliers while Kady got them into jammies. When I came back up they followed me into the bathroom and watched as I carefully pulled the salamander free.
We decided that the salamander was a bit too small for the bath and that to keep it safe we wouldn’t play with it in there again. The boys were very relieved that salamander was not lost down the drain forever.
Two things struck me about this. One – you can’t underestimate how precious something is to someone else. It was a plastic salamander to me, but to the boys it was part of their Octonaut crew and a vital part of their world. Two – what is safe to me might not feel safe to someone else. I knew I could get the salamander out. But the boys didn’t. And me continuing to assure them I could didn’t help. Acknowledging how scary the situation was before trying to solve the problem might have been a better approach. This is something I’m always reminded of. Validate. Then try to solve.
We don’t get to decide what is precious and what isn’t. And we can create space for kids and people to love all kinds of things. And creating safety for others isn’t simply a matter of telling them you’ll fix it or it will be alright. We need to meet them where they are and build safety around that.
Leave it to children to teach you big lessons. Their hearts are enormous. And I love the way they care about their precious things.
