I’ve spent a lot of the past year worrying about not having enough time. Getting angry that my son won’t sleep because I won’t have any time to spend with my wife, or to write, or to just . . . rest. But I think I’ve been missing something glaring for a while now. I have a lot of time. I’ve just been wasting it being angry and frustrated and just plain whiny. And I can be more present in the moments when I am with family.
Anyone who has a full time job or is a full time parent must experience this fear of lack of time. Time running out. Time going too quickly. Growing older faster and somehow defying the laws of nature. When most of your day is spent with other people, doing other things, for other people, it can make the time you have with your close loved ones seems scarce.
I’m not saying the answer is to quit your job. I’m not even saying theres a way to get more time. What I am saying is that enjoying the time we do have is critical. I’ve wasted many minutes and hours allowing my mind to go into an unhealthy state. Asking why is this happening? Instead of how can I see this as a blessing? Spending time thinking about all the things I’m not doing instead of realizing I’m missing the moment I’m in.
I’ve always had goals and wanted to achieve in my life. And while that drive and determination has taken me far, it has also cultivated an inability to be happy in the here and now. The right now. So that’s something I’ve got to keep working on.
Yesterday was a perfect example of this. I had just come downstairs to sit outside with Kady and Lou, who was playing with the hose. I’d showered and washed away all the dirt and grime from a day spent in the yard. A day spent basically doing whatever I wanted to. What a luxury. I walked onto the front porch and Lou turned and accidentally sprayed me with the hose getting my shorts wet. Instead of laughing at how silly it was, I made him upset and he cried and I stormed upstairs to put on dry shorts. What. An. Ass. I could have done better in this moment. Embraced it. Laughed. Chased my son. Had him spray me some more and just played and enjoyed the silly moment. I don’t want to repeat this mistake.
I know I philosophize a lot in these posts. But I’ll share a tactic that I use to help bring myself back to the moment. I take a deep breath and acknowledge the feelings that I’m having. If I’m feeling angry I say that. I accept it. Then I ask myself is there some other way that I want to be? Usually, there is. I want to be playful. And so I try to go in with an intention rather than an expectation. I want to be playful instead of wanting everything to be perfect according to me. It helps, but I’ve still got a lot of work to do.
We’ve got more time than we think. We just need to be intentional and embrace it.
Thanks for reading.
