I got really good at rowing. I got really fit and really strong. I competed internationally. I thought I had pushed the limits of what I was capable of. And I did. But only in one way. Rowing. But there’s so much more out there to explore.
I’m nearing forty and I have some stiffness and inflexibility. I can’t get into a deep squat comfortably. Some basic movements are really difficult for me. And I’m tired of it.
For the first time in a long long time, maybe since I was a kid, I’m focusing on learning how to move. Taking baby steps. Not trying to just train hard and get sweaty and sore. Re-teaching my body how to move well.
My focus is long term. I want to be healthy well into my old age. Flexible. Mobile. Strong. Capable. I don’t need to compete, probably ever again. I don’t need to go faster than ever before. I actually need to go slower. To focus on quality. To be present in the moment and to notice what’s going on instead of who I’m passing or beating.
It has taken me over six years to get to this point. It’s hard to let go of training habits and patterns and deeply ingrained mentality that tells you to go harder and harder and push to fatigue. Letting go is the first step to making the kind of progress I want to make.
I can’t even do a cartwheel. Kids can do them with ease. Why? Because they are playing. Exploring how their bodies move. Moving without judgement but with total awareness. They fall gracefully. They get back up and try again. And moving is such a pleasure. It’s not a job. They aren’t full of pain.
I want to get back to that. Moving in more than one plane. Moving because it feels good. Understanding my body. Figuring out how to change what hurts into what heals. Being playful with movement. Not always needing it to end in a win or a personal best.
It’s a journey. To figure out what your body and your mind needs to thrive and live well. It’s hard to train hard at the highest levels. To be at the top of your sport. But it’s also hard to be able to step back, reassess your goals and dreams, and to be smart about your body. It’s an adventure and one I’m so grateful that my body is still capable of going on.
