I was listening to an interview with Ryan Holiday today on the James Altucher show and was inspired by the topic of finding value in obstacles. To quote Ryan Holiday “the stoic way is that all of those obstacles are teachable obstacles and they’re valuable obstacles if you let them be so.” As I am going through some obstacles of my own currently I thought I would take a moment to reflect on some “teachable obstacles” from my past. And for this article I’ll focus on possibly the biggest one I’ve encountered in my life so far.
In 2010 my mom was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. She fought for almost three years through rounds of chemo, radiation, and tons of trips to and from the hospital before passing away in December of 2013. My mom was in a tremendous amount of pain for most of the last year of her battle. She had a grapefruit sized tumor on her left lung. I touched it once. I remember being confused that it felt soft. She was in agony most of her final months. But at no point during my mom’s journey with lung cancer did she give up and wallow. In fact she did so well on the chemo that during the first year she was able to take a break in which she gained weight, was able to exercise, and go on an amazing vacation to Jamaica with the whole family. I will never forget watching her wade into the water with her sister with a snorkel on her head, watching her swim over the surface looking for starfish, and the joy she was able to feel in those precious moments with family. She embraced every moment for what it was, an opportunity to live.
Eventually the chemo didn’t work anymore and my mom began to really suffer from the disease. But still she traveled to London in 2012 to watch me race in the Olympics. She had to be in a wheelchair for much of the time, which I know frustrated her, but she accepted it because she was able to be there for me and be with her family. Family was so important to her. Multiple times during the two-week competition she made the arduous journey through security, walking, getting out of her chair, back in her chair, over rough surfaces to be there in the stands when my double’s partner and I came down the course. She went through all of that so I would know she was there, watching. She did it for me. She was selfless even while in constant pain.
Finally in 2013 my mom began to lose weight, to struggle to breath, and she was in almost constant pain. I tried to visit her as much as I could. She still smiled every time I came home and tried to stay awake to listen to all of my silly stories. She would still take enjoyment out of the simple things, like a peanut butter and cheese sandwich, or a perfectly poached egg my dad would make her every morning. She laughed at my nephew Luke’s antics. She was still very present, although a physical shell of herself. On December 21, 2013 my mom took her last breath with me holding her hand and her whole family surrounding her. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through.
I am still sad thinking about the pain she went through and I miss her terribly. But if we are talking about “teachable obstacles” then I need to circle back to the point here. The point of this story is that instead of complaining, and saying how unfair life is, and blaming others, and wallowing in self-pity, my mom took ownership of her life. She stopped smoking immediately without the help of mediation or gum. She just quit. She started exercising. She took every opportunity to be with family and to travel for weddings and births. She read every book. She shared moments and stories whenever she could. She smiled. She laughed. She loved. And ultimately what she did was show her family that even though she had a disease there was no cure for she would not let it influence how she lived her life. She taught us that no matter what you be a good person, you be a loving person, and you live every moment to the fullest. She put her own pain aside to be there for her family.
When I think about my own struggles I always compare them to my mom. I often feel like a spoiled brat when I complain and I admit it is a bad habit that I’ve indulged in. But instead of wallowing in sadness or frustration I know that my mom would want me to buck up, face the challenge head on, and get stronger from it. Otherwise you’re not doing yourself or those you love or the world around you any good. And rather than complain I want to show my family how to overcome obstacles. I want to be there for them and put them first no matter what I am going through. And I believe that being able to give and love in spite of her pain that my mom lived longer than anyone expected she would as a result.
My mom was the strongest person I’ve ever known. If I’m half as strong and half as good as a mom myself I will consider my life a success.
What’s your biggest “teachable obstacle” in life?
