Stuck

It’s been months since I blogged. I feel like Ive neglected this thing that is so important to me. Each morning on the bus I think “today is the day I break the spell.” And then I don’t write.

I don’t really understand why I haven’t written anything. Whatever I come up with would just be a bunch of lame excuses. So what’s the bigger issue here?

Was writing just a phase for me?

Do I doubt my ability to write something meaningful?

Am I lazy? Apathetic?

Maybe the more important question is why do I care? Why do I think about this blog every day and feel badly that I haven’t kept it up? Why can’t I just let it fade away?

Maybe it’s also important to ask why I started this blog in the first place.

To express my ideas

To share with others

To help someone

To clear my head

To make my mom proud

To use and not waste my writing ability

It’s not life or death that I write this blog. Clearly if I don’t write for months on end the world is going to keep spinning and my life will keep moving forward.

But it’s the nagging that bothers me. The itch. The constant poking in the back of my mind. It’s like a clock ticking in the corner. Subtle but ever present. The tv on low volume so the words are just barely discernable.

How can I turn it up? Make it louder than the rest of the noise. Bring it to the foreground and keep it there.

Because I’m a communicator. I enjoy it. I’ve been a motor mouth my entire life. Through words and writing and talking I come to know the world and those in it. I want to share my stories.

In a world where I’m constantly trying to turn things down and schedule less and focus more, how can I make this itch the loudest?

Press publish now. Don’t wait long enough to let the fear take over.