About a week ago I had a dream I was rowing my single. I was on a buoyed course in my Filippi rowing with my old Croker oars. I was aware of another rower in the lane next to me and familiar people on the shores.
I felt discombobulated and weak at first. I drifted out of my lane nearly crashing into the other rower. I felt frustrated. Like I’d never be good at this thing I loved again.
But I persisted.
I relaxed.
I let my expectations go and just focused on me. What I needed to feel good.
I veered back into my lane and held a straight course the rest of the way. The old familiar feeling of being in charge and feeling powerful came back. I felt like I had at my prime. Each stroke better than the one before. Gaining speed and confidence. Moving into flow.
I’ve been working so hard at my writing. I wrote almost five thousand words yesterday. My writing has felt a lot like the first part of this dream all year. False starts. Dashed confidence. Weakness. Doubt. Veering all over the place.
But I’ve persisted. Tried not to judge even though it is so hard. Tried not to compare myself to other authors I love. I’ve kept going. And while I might not be sailing down the course at full speed just yet I do feel like I’ve made progress.
Anything worth doing is worth the hard work. The doubt. The frustration. The pain. And celebrating the small wins along the way and the not giving up is so important.
I’ve been quiet on my blog because I’ve been forcing myself to write elsewhere. But I’m still here. Thinking and writing about all the things I want to say. I hope someday soon to be able to share something much bigger with you.
