Start Playing

I haven’t touched my guitar in ages. On the weekends I can’t relax. I’m constantly moving, searching, trying to put things in order.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I can’t relax. I know it’s not just because I’m type a and a little bit ocd. There’s something else going on there. I think it’s because I want to create. I want to build something. I want to make something beautiful. 

I used to stay up late playing my guitar. Just strumming whatever popped into my head in the moment. I would play what I felt and ideas would come to me so quickly I almost couldn’t write them down fast enough. It felt like creativity flowed through me and I was open to it. 

I feel closed off. Like a door is stuck shut and it only occasionally swings open. Then it slams shut again and all my ideas, my creativity gets stuck behind it. 

I need to set some goals. Some simple goals to open that door again. My guitar sits in the corner of the living room, dust coating the fret board beneath the strings. It’s painful not to play and painful to play. What do I have to say? What music can I write? I get stuck in the questions. The whys. But none of that matters. The only thing that matters is the playing. The act itself. Creating. Letting that side of me that’s been dormant come to life again. 

Start playing Margot. Find the strings again. Make music. Open the door. Playing will keep it open.