Nothing is for sure. We can’t be certain of very many things in life. Plans change. People change. What worked today won’t work tomorrow. Someone gets cancer. Someone leaves. Life is chaos. We only think we have it all under control. But how can you control something so vast, so varied? Something that was here before you and will be here long after you. We are only a small speck and we lose sight of the vastness of existence because we feel so deeply and passionately. We are flames that catch, burn blindingly bright, and then blow out in a moments notice.
Tonight I was reminded that I have to be strong. That I am strong. That I have the strength to do this thing. Life. Parenting. Marriage. All of it.
And so I sang. And Hallelujah popped into my head. I only remembered half the lyrics (typical, Kady would say). But I sang it anyway. Sang it to my son who cannot sleep. My poor exhausted beautiful boy. I sang “hallelujah” over and over and then stopped. And he was asleep shortly after.
Maybe it wasn’t the song. Or my voice. Who knows what it was? But in that moment I felt like I was a good parent. I felt my voice come through for us both.
Maybe singing, letting the lord/savior/higher power/Beyoncé hear our voices is what we can fall back on when we feel lost or alone or inept. Sing Hallelujah. Since it loud. Or soft. With meaning. With love.
I’ve spent so much time being angry, anxious, upset, in pain, sad. I want to rejoice.
I feel full. Thank you to the strength within, me, you, all of us. Hallelujah!
