Last night it took Lou 2 hours and 15 minutes to fall asleep. I tried to capture the third night with some humor because it was very frustrating and I don’t want to be a whiner for this entire post. Last night I wanted to cry and to quit. But we stuck it out and made it through another night. I hope it gets better.
Night Three:
The way my son gets on his bed is comparable to the floor routine of an elite gymnast. I’m half inclined to give him a long ass ribbon attached to a dowel to see what he’ll come up with. Maybe some glass balls to twirl around and a leotard. He can take a small space and make it feel like an Olympic sized floor mat filled with jumps and vaults and twirls.
Last night’s performance was scored on four main categories : 1. Mounting/dismounting, 2. Tumbling, 3. Interpretive dance/moves, 4. Laughter inducing antics.
Mounting/ dismounting is a 7. He is able to slink off the bed without making a noise but his reentry to the bed is just plain sloppy. Often times just laying on the side like a slug or missing his mark altogether. Occasionally he gets a running start and nails the leap back into the bed in a way that would make Mary Lou Retton proud.
Tumbling definitely gets a ten. I don’t know how he manages to roll as much as he does on a full mattress but he manages to fit in multiple somersaults and barrel roles before I’m even back on the bed.
Interpretive dance gets an 8. His transitions are seamless and he manages to throw in some modern maneuvers and noises to go along with them. But he could use some improvement there. Maybe some more hip hop or ballet. He has a move I call the reverse inch worm. He lays on his back with knees bent and pushes his hips up and slides back on the bed. It’s annoying and hilarious. But he gets no bonus points for crapping his pants halfway through the routine.
Lastly, his laughter inducing antics get a ten. In spite of how annoyed I was last night he was able to make me laugh multiple times. I left the room once and peaked in through the crack in the door. I saw him creep to the edge of the bed and stretch out as far as he could to steal a book off the side table then happily flip through it in bed. It’s impossible to capture all the funny things he does in words.
Overall I’d give him an 8.5.
He is king of this queen mat and I am a simple plebe attempting to bargain with a madman for the right to sleep.
Things are going great.
He’s fricking tired. I know he is. But in his brain he needs to fight to keep this madness going. He doesn’t yet realize how glorious sleep, rest, quiet, alone time is. Or that he’s prematurely aging me decades.
Hopefully he will start to figure that out and we can all enjoy some real true rest. Soon.
