When others are struggling we offer help. An encouraging word. A hug. We give our best to support them and make them feel seen and heard. This is good work.
But when it comes to ourselves we are our own worst enemies sometimes. We criticize ruthlessly. Beat ourselves up. Punish ourselves for our failures. We do the opposite of what we do with others. This is not good work.
Why is it so hard to shine the light on ourselves? To be kind? To encourage? To let failures go and learn from them without raking ourselves over the coals?
Maybe because those conversations happen in our heads. No one but us can hear them. We don’t hear the harshness of our words out loud and are somehow not accountable for their impact.
Part of what we respond to in others are the visual cues of suffering. The audible tones that tell us they are in pain. We see it. We hear it. We respond with love.
But I can’t see my face when I’m sad. I don’t hear my words either. I’m not able to respond to my pain in productive way. I’ve dehumanized myself in order to be cruel and unproductive.
But what if I faced a mirror and witnessed my pain a different way? Would it change how I talked to myself? The words I chose to use? Would I be more kind and supportive and patient?
How would someone else treat us in that moment? With love? We need to change this self abuse into a framework that allows us to be human, to make mistakes, and gives us the room to grow and improve. Why cause ourselves more pain that we already have. The question isn’t why do I suck, but rather how can I be good to myself while I grow through this struggle?
We should treat ourselves the way we would want others to treat us. And the way that we want to treat others. Giving love rather than abuse. Giving kindness instead of cruelty. Offering support instead of condemnation. We have the ability to give ourselves the love we need when we don’t live up to our own expectations. We have to practice self-empathy and make it a muscle we can go to in the toughest times. And this is critical to our well being and our success.
