It’s been two months since my dad passed away. We are heading home to Ohio tomorrow to celebrate him with my family. I’m nervous about the trip for a number of reasons not least of which is traveling with two kids and really disliking flying in general. But I’m also nervous because I know it’s going to be difficult to finally deal with the loss of my dad.
I feel like for two months I’ve had my head down trying to be a good parent and trying to do my job and just survive to this point. I delayed parental leave as well which is starting soon and I feel very ready to focus all my attention on my family. No distractions. No deadlines. No emails. Just me being there for them.
And I’m ready to mourn. I miss my parents. And losing both of them just makes things feel so final. It’s just me and my brothers now.
Of course I know I have an extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins that are there for us. They have all been so wonderful and loving and thoughtful. But now it’s just the three of us passing on the memories of our parents to our kids and keeping them alive for each other.
I have become so good at stuffing my emotions into a corner of my mind that I know this weekend at home with family is going to be exhausting. But I’m ready for it. And I also know that it will be filled with lots of laughter. That’s what my dad would want. What both of my parents would want. They wouldn’t want us sitting around weeping in black.
