Last night I could not get to sleep. I felt like I was going insane. I had so many thoughts and ideas and fears thrashing around upstairs that I thought I was never going to be able to relax again.
But in the morning I had some clarity. I realized that the hardest part was done. I had started the blog. And it doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be honest and real and to have some time to grow.
To be honest with you I don’t know what I want to say. Which is so ridiculous considering the amount of my life that I spend talking and communicating. I have a folder full of un-posted LinkedIn articles. I have a ton of journal entries and ideas and silly things that I jot down in the moment. But for some reason they feel jumbled up inside of me. They don’t feel clear and concise.
I don’t mean the things I’m thinking and wanting to write aren’t clear. It’s just the overall WHY of what I’m doing that isn’t clear yet.
When I started coaching it was because I felt compelled to help. I had so much help as an athlete and it gave me a sense of worth and purpose. And I knew that I could help others the same way. It felt wrong not to. I was pulled to it.
And now I feel I’m being pulled in other ways. Other mysterious, scary, invisible ways that I’ve been trying to ignore or push off as just angst and dissatisfaction. But I know there is a bigger WHY that’s in there. I just have to put words to it. I have to name it.
So, for now, I’m on the search. I’m listening to what I’m feeling and trying to let it guide me. I know once I can put a name to everything that I want and think and feel that I’ll be able to move my life in the direction it needs to go in to make a difference.
