Today I walked outside to see huge beautiful flowers blooming wide open on two of my pumpkin plants. They delighted me so much. There is something so special about growing your own vegetables. I could fiddle in the garden all day.
I want to learn. When I learn I grow. And growth makes me feel alive. But what should I learn next? Where should I put my time and energy? How do I want to grow? I have never had an easy time picking a lane because I like so many things. Music, writing, sports, gardening, movies, philosophy. Maybe the what doesn’t matter as much as the when. It’s not good to go too long without learning something new. I think a lot of my angst comes from feeling like I’m doing the same old thing over and over again. That gets boring. Especially if I’ve already found all the ways to refine and become more efficient. Growth is about looking to the future. Maybe not knowing where you’re going but that you’re going somewhere.
It’s good to have rituals. Rituals can be comforting. Coffee in the morning. A lil chocolate before bed. Saying your prayers. Whatever. They create a sense of stability in an otherwise completely chaotic world. I like looking. Into the distance at the mountains. The purple hues of the sky as the sun goes down and the light fades. There is beauty and ritual all around. The call of the birds. A dog barking. A leaf blower every Tuesday. Get up. Work. Dinner. Relax. Drift off to sleep. Street lights turning on. The sound of the 11 heading down Madison into the park. The slow deep breathing of settling in to another evening. It’s hard not to feel like these nights are infinite. And I’m glad I don’t live with the constant pressing gloom of thinking one day I won’t be sitting here staring out across the world at the mountains in the distance. That I can have this moment of calm and reflect. That I can continue to look ahead. Still feel a sense of wonder. It’s not ground hog day.
