The angry situation is usually a symptom of a bigger issue. One more thing happens to tip you over the edge and you lose your patience and things get tense. Before it gets to this point nip it in the bud. Sometimes you’ve got to sacrifice something up front to preserve the greater good down the line. It may be awkward at first but it’s usually better for everyone in the long run.
Part of what gets in the way of nipping things in the bud is stubbornness. It’s not my job etc etc. I don’t have time. Why don’t they just understand or take a hint? These aren’t productive thoughts. They just prolong the angst and delay a much needed and direct conversation.
Another thing that gets in the way is the stories we tell ourselves. That person should know better. They don’t deserve my time. They’ll get mad at me and things will get worse. But lots of times these thoughts are just not true. And no matter what we can’t predict the outcome. The only way to move forward and get the facts straight is to have a conversation, ideally face to face.
Face to face conversations about difficult subjects are important for a number of reasons. First you can see the reactions and emotions of who you are talking to and vice versa. Texts and emails don’t translate tone or emotion or pain well and it’s easy for them to get lost or misinterpreted. Second, you’ll have someone’s undivided attention (a true unicorn these days) and the chance to really listen. No distractions. And lastly it shows the other person that even though you’re mad you’re prioritizing getting things right with them, which can go a long way to build respect and trust.
The alternative is to continue on a destructive and unproductive path of narration and story telling. To allow things to grow to the point where you either lose it and cause irreparable damage or you stop communicating altogether. It can be tough but nipping it in the bud is crucial to moving forward and preserving healthy relationships.
Disclaimer: this is assuming a lot about you and the other party involved. If either one of you is an immature dbag no amount of bud nipping is going to solve your problems.
