When I was a kid, maybe seven or eight, I was waiting for my mom to finish grocery shopping. I had been nagging her out of boredom so she sent me outside to wait. Not something I would do with my kids now but it was the 80s in Ohio and perhaps the prospect of me getting kidnapped was less unsavory than dealing with my constant pestering while she was trying to load up the grocery cart with milk and eggs.
I walked outside into the summer sun and then leaned against the brick facade of the Big Bear. That’s when I noticed a miniature merry go round.
I immediately checked the pockets of my short shorts. Nothing. Not a single coin to take a ride while I waited, just a random scrap of paper. I tapped my foot against the bricks and grew bored again. I whistled to myself. And then an idea popped into my head. I reached back into my pocket and pulled out the piece of paper.
What if I folded the paper and stuffed it into the coin slot. It could work! So I did my best to fold the paper into the shape of a coin. Satisfied with my mock currency I walked over to the machine and jammed it into the coin slot and cranked the handle.
To my complete and utter shock the merry go round came to life. Music began to blare and the machine began to spin.
Now, you would think I’d have hopped on and ridden that thing like there was no tomorrow. Eyes closed arms in the air celebrating my victory. But I did not. I was terrified beyond belief. I thought I was going to get arrested. (Again. 80s. Ohio. Hadn’t seen the world yet). So instead I tried to stop it.
I grabbed onto the side and pulled with my skinny little arms. But the machine just kept spinning as the heels of my tennis shoes dug into the asphalt. I panicked. If my mom came out and saw what I’d done she’d ground me for a week! I kept pulling and pulling as my heart pounded in my chest but nothing I did slowed the merry go round.
Just as I was about to give up all hope the machine slowed and then came to a stop. I slumped back against the bricks. Relieved but still shaking. When my mom came out a few minutes later we loaded up the station wagon and headed home. I did not say a word about the merry go round.
To this day it makes me laugh to picture little seven or eight year old me in a grocery store parking lot hanging on to the side of a merry go round for dear life. What a sight I must have been to fellow shoppers as I was dragged around and around as the music blared and the mini horses bobbed up and down.
This story came back to me this morning as I thought about that feeling of being out of control. Not being able to slow things down or stop them once they are in motion. Sometimes things are out of control because of our own doing. We make a foolish or a rash decision. And then we try to undo it. Or sometimes we have no control over our circumstances. We just have to deal with what we are handed and ride it out.
In each of these circumstances we have a choice. We can either panic and use up all our time and energy trying to stop the chaos when we could be enjoying the free ride. Or we can embrace it, grab hold, and find a way to make it work even if it’s not ideal. I can’t go back in time and tell younger me to hop on and enjoy the ride but I can decide how I manage the chaos now.
