Take for example a marriage. First you meet. You go on a date. Size each other up. Decide you’re interested and attracted to each other. Go on more dates. Decide you want to be together. Then possibly move in together. Then decide you want to get engaged. Then plan a wedding. Then get married. And even though it’s official from that point forward every single day of your lives you choose and commit to being with one another. This is just one example. All relationships don’t have to follow this pattern.
This could take months to years to decades. You’ve built something. Hopefully stable. Hopefully fun. Hopefully trustworthy and reliable and collaborative.
Along the way there is a lot to navigate. Trust. Time. Excitement. Argument. Negotiation. Drama. Passion. Anxiety. Confusion. Fear. Vulnerability. Attraction.
All the while you’re building something together. Forging a relationship where none existed before. Committing over and over again.
And ultimately that’s what it takes to build something. To build anything. Commitment. Continual and consistent.
Commitment isn’t just something that happens once and then it’s done. Saying you’re committed doesn’t mean the work is over. The work is in renewing that choice every day and saying that no matter how hard it gets you’re still going to choose it.
If you want to build something worthwhile it takes time. Moment by moment. Piece by piece. Day by day. Agreeing repeatedly to do this thing with this person again and again and again. And then doing the hard work of maintaining and improving and loving what you’ve built.
We’re not always up for this level of commitment. But when we are we can build some remarkable things.
