When I hold Julian at bedtime he looks at me. Directly in the eyes. There is a twinkle. I can’t help but smile. He’s questioning me. Testing me. Finding the line. My smile gets wider. And when he sees me smile his lips part and his goofy teeth show through in a huge grin. I see you in there dad. What. A. Blessing.
It sounds terrible to say but I didn’t realize how much I would miss you. You had a temper like me. Impatient like me. Imperfect like me. But you also had a quiet way. A gentleness. A big heart full of love.
A glimpse in my son’s eyes is not enough. But it will have to do. Seeing you in him in me. That’s gift enough. I wish you were here to hold my boys. To teach them stuff. To make them giggle. To hold me. And teach me stuff too.
You were a great dad. And I love you. Always.
