My mom passed away from lung cancer in December of 2013. It was devastating to watch her suffer and then die. To lose my best friend. And it feels as fresh today as it did six years ago. I know that I will never get over it. And that’s ok. But I do want to deal with the complex emotions that I feel about her death. To mourn the loss. To accept she is gone. And also to cherish what an incredible mom she was. They will be emotions I will continually have to deal with.
There is a difference between getting through something and dealing with it. Getting through is a survival mechanism to deal with extreme circumstances or pain. Dealing is processing your emotions and learning to manage them as an ongoing process. One is short term and the other is long term. Both are important in order to survive and have a healthy emotional life and in order to manage the emotional hardships.
Where I struggle is in recognizing that dealing with my emotional well being is something I have to practice and work on every day. Just because it’s going well one day does not mean everything is solved. Emotions evolve and change over time and life has an uncanny way of adding new stressors every step of the way.
I also struggle to not beat myself up if I don’t handle my emotions perfectly. I set standards that are impossible to achieve and then feel badly as a result if I mess up. Being kind to myself as I deal with the emotions of work, parenting, and everything else is key and something I have to constantly remind myself of.
Whether you’re getting through something difficult or dealing with ongoing and deep emotions here are a few things to remember. Be kind to yourself. Seek humanity and humility not perfection. And know that you don’t have to get over something and that feelings of loss can last for a long time. They just don’t have to rule your life.
Thanks for reading.
