I have not done a good job of keeping up with my blog. I was posting every few days. Now it’s a week. Maybe longer between posts. Things are not easy right now. Today everything kind of hit me. I held my son who couldn’t fall asleep and pressed my nose against his warm soft temple. His baby hair brushing my face. His smell sweet and perfect. My other son restless in the other room with Kady. We’ve been cooped up in the house for a week now. It has not been easy managing working full time, making sure we have what we need in the house, and keeping two boys under three occupied and healthy.
I am so grateful for my job. For my wife’s job and the incredible community at her school. For our amazing au pair. For our health. Our beautiful children. The health of my brothers and their families. For the abundance I continue to experience even while in quarantine.
This is not easy. This is something I’ve never had to go through before. It feels so unfamiliar and daunting and precarious.
Looking at strangers with suspicion and fear. The grocery store is a place to rush through and then run away from. All the things we take for granted. Luxuries. The luxury of human contact. Seeing familiar faces and hearing their voices. Being able to walk outside and pass a stranger and not worry they might be sick.
Tension is so high right now. We are trapped in some ways. Some people have so much more than me to be afraid of. And some are sick. Maybe dying.
There are few times in life I am grateful my parents are not around. This is one of them. Worry is all consuming. Social media adds to the fire.
We need to forgive ourselves and each other. We don’t know how to do this. Should we? I don’t think so. I believe we will figure it out. And be ok. But this whole things feel so massive.
Tonight it hit me when when I held Julian close. This is hard. That’s all there is to it. No matter what the numbers are. No matter what the curve says. We don’t know the perfect way. But we can forge a path with forgiveness. If we try. Go easy on yourselves and each other. I’ll try to post more frequently.
Hugs.
