One time when I was a little girl, probably 8 or 9 a neighborhood bully ramped my brand new bike up the side of a tree. I ran and got my mom. She marched down the street and confronted the bully’s parents. I remember her body muscles rigid and poised with anger and the ferocity in her eyes.
Another time a neighbor boy pulled my hair and taunted me. As he turned to walk away I kicked him as hard as I could. He didn’t like that. I knew he would kick back but I wasn’t about to take his shit without a fight.
Another time a boy in my sixth grade class commented on how I was “really developing” when I came out of the bathroom at school. I was wearing my jersey for basketball practice. From then on I wore sweatshirts under my jersey to hide my body. And it took me until I found rowing to not feel shame that I had boobs and a butt and muscles. I embraced my body’s power. It’s beauty. And rowing taught me that my body was a gift. Now I laugh when I think about how weak some of those boys were compared to me.
One time our music teacher, who also taught phys Ed at our middle school said girls weren’t capable of playing ultimate frisbee. They had to play regular frisbee with less running. I marched to the principal’s office with the same ferocity my mom did when confronting that bully and demanded we be allowed to play ultimate frisbee just like the boys.
I’ve always had good instincts. Although I can be quite emotional. I have an angry impatient side. My mom always told me I had to master my emotions. And that has been a lifelong journey for me.
I have always trusted myself. I don’t know where it came from exactly. Maybe it’s because I know who I am. And I can spot bullshit a mile away. Maybe it’s because my mom believed in me so much. And because she was so strong.
But I’ve never put up with bullshit. Not then. Not now. Not ever.
A wise woman once told me her mantra was “Fuck you. Watch me.” Those are words to live by.
I can’t say I’ve mastered much in my life. But I have a relentless drive to keep on trying. To continue believing in me. To fight for what I believe is right. And I try embody that ferocity in everything I do.
