Slightly drunk. Open minded. Listening. Talking. Big ideas. Learning. The world full of possibility and growth. Young and eager. Hours and hours of discussion. Rambling topic to topic. Change is possible and craved.
Hardening. Closing off. Holding on to things. Right. Wrong. Me. You. Us. Them. Proving. Ignoring. Justifying. Arguing. Stagnation.
Isolation.
Death.
Waste.
A lifetime. Did I become what I wanted to? What am I proud of? Will my family be proud of me?
It isn’t a quest for perfection. I don’t think I’d even be able to define such a thing.
Growing older. I still don’t understand what being old is. I’m not old but I do feel tired. If there was one thing I’d get rid of in life it would be feeling tired. Maybe it saves us from doing stupid things. But I waste time thinking about how tired I am. I don’t want to do that.
I want that youth of spirit. This second half. Nostalgia is painful. I want to look forward. To feel like I’m gaining momentum and energy. To continue. To continue. To continue.
