40

No I’m not talking about everyone’s favorite beverage. I’m talking about turning 40. It’s happening. This August. Coming to an orthopedic surgeon near you.

I was complaining to a friend tonight about all my aches and pains. I feel like an arthritic mess most of the time. It annoys me to have soreness and stiffness in my body. I work out regularly. But not nearly like I used to. And my diet is not great but not terrible. But I still feel tired and bloated most of the time. I’ve put on weight. Blah blah blah.

My life is a lot more full than it was a decade ago. I didn’t have a wife and family or a full time job. Hell I didn’t even have a part time job. My job was rowing. Unpaid and no benefits aside from being fit as f—. I wouldn’t change things. But it is hard to go from having a strong fit and powerful body to barely squeezing into your favorite pair of shorts.

I’m not really sure what the point of my rambling is. I think when I was younger I never worried about getting old, or fat, or being tired, or money. But my life was also very one dimensional. But now I do. I want to be healthy and strong and able mentally and physically for a long long time. I want to do good work. I want to provide for my family. But it’s impossible not to feel the overwhelm of nostalgia and mortality now that I’m reaching the age of 40.

It does make me appreciate what I have more. And try to be in the moment and grateful. And it also gives me concrete goals for what I still want to accomplish and how I want to spend my time.

Growing older doesn’t seem like a thing until it actually happens. And I know 40 isn’t really old. But when I look back on my life it feels like I’ve come a long long way. And I hope there is still a long long way to go.